Track 2: Fleeting

 Hello to everyone that has been following this process/experience/journey...

For months I have been involved with directing Ragtime at The Muni in Springfield, IL. This was a challenging experience that taught me more about my artistic process than I ever could have imagined while I worked with community members and newly formed friends. It has been an exercise for me to understand just what it takes to create thoughtful work.

During the closing week of the show, I started reflecting on completing my personal goals and aspirations. While journaling about what I wanted to feel as an artist and creative, I noticed that part of what I had not been feeling was because I had not been dedicating time to create opportunities where those feelings could be present. I have been so overloaded with what needed to be done that I wasn't actually processing what was happening or how it was making me feel until I had no choice to. I wasn't looking at what I wanted because I was focused on what had to take precedent or priority... 

Upon that realization, I also had to come to terms that if I didn't make time that there would be nothing I could leave behind. This isn't to feel morbid or angsty, but rather to lay out the desire to have a legacy built on more than legacy, speech, or memory. There are dreams to materialize and I will see them happen. 

In an exercise of faith, I have been writing, producing (sometimes self, sometimes collaboratively), and recording music demos. They are memories, emotions, letters to God, myself, and others, vices, dreams, nightmares, and mantras. These demos are works in progress that I am putting together for a culminating presentation... what I will call it, I don't know. It has been a longstanding dream and desire to create a body of work that stands on its own, and I am challenging myself to achieve that by forcing myself to be more transparent. 

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It is now the end of August, which just for transparency's sake is several months from when I first wrote (and saved as a draft) this Blog post. Since then I have started another show, hosted a couple of small artist development workshops, began planning a presentation for November, and started getting closer to where I want to be. I also went through a period where I couldn't use my Macbook and I feel a little behind. I just replaced it and hope to catch up to my goals.

I have a lot going on, and I'm constantly looking for inspiration. I feel like I'm in the "Holy Hell this is HARD phase".  As I journal more about my private experiences, I recognize how they are mirrored in my music. I am honestly terrified of being honest about some of my perspectives, sharing some of my jealous and envious moments. The moments where I struggle to be honest about how I feel seem to have the most rewarding gems but they are the deepest and unrefined. I do worry about presenting something that will not be seen as polished or worthy, but then again that is honestly the blessing and curse of art being subjective. That is why pulling away becomes necessary. This is why quiet is important. I think I understand...

"I was raised off Toonami and Bible Stories, Magic School Bus when I was a Shorty...
I miss the way the early days felt, Foggy Mornings to bask in the Glory of new beginnings.

I miss how simple it all felt"